Preacher Jokes

   After starting a new diet, I altered my drive to work to avoid passing my favorite bakery. 
 But, this morning, I accidentally drove by the bakery and as I approached, there in the window were a host of goodies. 
   I felt this was no accident, so I prayed, "Lord, it's up to you, if you want me to have any of those delicious goodies, please create a parking place for me directly in front of the bakery." 
   And sure enough, on the eighth time around the block, there it was! 

       Not too long ago a large seminar was held for ministers in training.
Among the speakers were many well-known motivational speakers.  One boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!"
     The crowd was shocked!  He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!"  The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech which, went over well.
     About a week later, one of the ministers who had attended the seminar decided to use that joke in his sermon.  As he shyly approached the pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It seemed a bit foggy to him this morning.  Getting to the microphone, he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of another woman that was not my wife!"
His congregation sat, shocked.  After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor
finally blurted out "...and I can't remember who she was!"

CHURCH BULLETIN BLOOPERS 

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

 The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.

 The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."

 Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.

 The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

 Thursday night Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.

 A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

 Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

 Tuesday at 4 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

 The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

Don't let worry kill you, let the church help.

More Bulletin Bloopers

 This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

 Thursday at 5:00 pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study.

 Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

 Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

 The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.

 Announcement in the church bulletin for a National PRAYER & FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."

 Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again" giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

 Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.

 During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.